Life Can Be Refound
by bella-tripped123
Summary: ALL HUMAN --- Bella left Edward when she was 18. She unhappily married Jacob because she didnt know what to do with her life. She wants to go back to Edward but she cant. Why cant she?
1. Why?

Life Can Be Re-found

They say you cannot live on suffering with money. That you need joy and love to survive. But what if your pain, your suffering, your unhappiness, provides money to keep the one you love, the one you would give your life for, alive, healthy and happy.

That was what life was like for me. I was twenty-one. I had dark brown hair. I had pale skin, chocolate eyes, fairly tall and skinny. Every time I looked in the mirror I would see a girl I didn't know. The girl that I was now. If I try to see the girl I once was I would see myself happy, a healthy weight, my skin not so translucent. I would see myself standing next to a guy with reddy-browny hair, tall, with the most amazing emerald eyes. I would see myself next to the guy I loved. The guy I still loved. I wish I could rewind time and be that happy 18 year old, content with her life. I wish I could run back to him now. But I can't. I am too late.

I don't know how long I sat looking at the girl in the mirror. The girl I didn't know. She was an unhappy house-wife to a man she didn't love. A man she would never love. I knew that. I had known that I didn't love, and couldn't love Jacob from the day I had met him. I knew he knew that. But he loved me and still took me in. I saw the hurt in his eyes everyday he saw me; he knew I was still in love with the other guy. I hated hurting him. Any women would be lucky to have him. He was good looking, he was kind caring and very loveable. But he chose me. I shouldn't have said yes to him and thrown myself away. But I was so broken I didn't know what I was doing. How could I? I shouldn't stay with him. I shouldn't hurt him anymore. I should leave him now. But I can't. I needed his money. That sounds so selfish. Why couldn't I go get a job? Fend for myself? I could do that for me. But I had to stay. I had to stay suffering to provide for the only spark of hope left in me. I had to stay for one reason. But that one single reason made all the difference.

"Mummy!"

That was why I had to stay.


	2. Lili Baby

I scurried off to my little girl. She looked up at me with her gorgeous emerald eyes, she looked so much like her father. With her reddish-brown locks hanging down her back in waves, like mine. Every time I looked at her it almost reduced me to tears. Some of it because I loved her so much, some because I still miss her father and he reminds me of her so badly, and most of all because I wish he was here to be with her, for her to have the perfect dad.

"Hey honey, what's the matter?"

"Mummy, Lili hungry." She told me, she hadn't quite learned to use 'I' instead of her name.

"Do you not want to wait for Jacob?"

"No, Lili hungry now." She said slightly annoyed. I chuckled she was so impatient.

"Come on then." I said picking holding her hand as she toddled towards the kitchen. I sat her in her special raised chair and turned to make some cheesy pasta.

I put the plate down in front of her and she smiled widely. She was cute when she smiled. She ate a little before looking at me with wide, curious eyes.

"Mummy, is Jacob my Daddy?" I was slightly taken a back by her question.

"Urr…no Jacob isn't your daddy." I replied, trying not to go into to much detail. It hurt me to think about him.

"Who is my daddy, Mummy?" She was too curious, just like him. Sigh. I knew she would know if I was lying, she was very observant, and I wasn't a good liar.

"He is a man Mummy used to know." I told her.

"Why doesn't he live here, Mummy." I couldn't tell her this I would have a breakdown. I decided to ignore the question.

"You better eat your pasta before it gets cold, Lili-baby." I side-tracked her question.

She ate some more before opening her mouth to ask another question.

"Mummy where does…" The door swung open, Jacob walked through laying his briefcase down next to him. He took one glance at me and he frowned. I knew my face must be showing the pain I was feeling. I knew he knew I was thinking about him. I wondered many times why he married me, why he doesn't kick me out. He knew I wasn't over him. He glanced over at Lili who was about to ask another question.

"Hello Lili-baby. Are you ready for bed?" He asked.

"No. Lili want mummy to read her story." She said. He looked at me again before answering, with pain in his eyes.

"Why don't I read you a story? Mummy looks very tired.

"Okay, Jakey."

She toddled off into her room. He started to follow but turned around to look at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes, I just need some time." I told him. He nodded once and turned to follow Lili.

I walked into my room and curled up on my bed. It was not healthy for me to think so much about him. It made the images more vivid. Like they had happened earlier today. I knew I just had to face it.


	3. Flashback

I crawled onto my bed and pulled my knees up to my chest, holding myself together. She looked so like him when she was curious, she had the same twinkle in her eyes. When she asked the questions I just broke down I felt so pathetic. I broke down after my daughter asked a question. It was years ago. But I still remember it like yesterday. I closed my eyes to embrace the image.

_***FLASHBACK – 3 YEARS AGO***_

I looked down at the tests. Positive. I picked up the next one, positive. And the last, Positive. Shit. I can't be pregnant. I can't be. It isn't possible. I only slept with him once. We used a condom. It was impossible. Impossible but true.

I sat back and put my hands on my stomach. I smiled. Life was growing in me. There was my baby underneath my hands. Edwards baby underneath my hands. Our baby.

I was scared but excited. I was so happy that there was a bit of me and a bit of Edward inside of me but nervous. Where we ready for a baby? What would he think? How where we going to look after it? I didn't know the answer to any of these questions but I knew that I had to tell Edward and I had to tell him now.

I picked up my phone.

_Edward,_

_meet me outside the back of the music block._

_I need to tell you something, but I need to tell you first._

_Please._

_Love you_

_X_

_Bella_

I waited for him to reply.

_What's wrong?_

_What's happened._

_Yes I will meet you there._

_I am leaving now._

_Love you too._

_Edward._

I got my bag and headed for the car. I put on some music to calm me down a little. It didn't work. I stopped the car. I took a deep breath and climbed out.

I walked to the building and paused at the corner. I don't know what I was waiting for. It was Edward. I was going to tell him about our baby. If it was anyone else I would have had a reason. But it wasn't it was Edward round there. I stepped round the corner and froze at what I saw.

I couldn't move. I wanted to move. I was frozen. My legs were paralised and my eyes locked on what I saw before me. It was Jessica. Jessica, the girl Edward and I both hated. Kissing they were kissing. My mouth dropped open and my eyes filled with tears. He had his hands on the side of her face and she had her body pressed up against him. I gasped without realising it. His eyes met mine apologetically. I shut my mouth and shook my head. Then I ran. I ran as fast as I could back to my car. I couldn't speak to him. I needed to get away. Tears were streaming down my face as I ran. I always knew he was to good for me. I always knew. He was like a greek god and I was plain. But I thought that he had loved me the same as I loved him. I needed him. I thought he felt the same. Obviously not though.

Behind my sobs I heard someone shouting. It was Edward. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying until I heard him calling my name. I knew he would be running after me. I had to go faster. Fast as I could. But I couldn't afford to fall. I couldn't lose this baby. I pushed on harder. Trying to out run him. I might just make it to my car before he reaches me. I heard him getting louder. Shouting my name. Telling me he didn't kiss her. Lies. All lies. How could he say that I saw him. I needed to get away and I needed to go now. I finally reached my truck and slammed the door just before he got there. I sped away as fast as my truck would go. I went as far as I could before I decided it wasn't safe for me to drive in the condition I was in. I pulled over and cried into the steering wheel for hours before setting off on my journey again.

_***End Flashback***_

He had sent me letter after letter when I ran away passing them through Alice and Rose to me. They had come to visit me often. I had kept every letter he had sent me in a little box underneath the bed.

I missed him so much. I wished I could take him back. But what if he hurt me again. What if he left me. He would hate me anyway for not telling him about his kid. I wanted to, but could never have him again. I wouldn't survive going through that pain again. I knew I wouldn't.


End file.
